This song came on my iPod today as I was wandering around Victoria – I saw Shakey Graves play this at the Banff Centre a few weeks ago. I’m here for a week for a music festival and then onto Vancouver next week for a business vacation. This is my first venture in search of work and it’s long overdue. I’ve felt that Calgary isn’t the right place for me and I’m in the process of finding my next home. Everyone I’ve talked to has said that they got their job by being in the right place at the right time, and I figure this is putting myself in the right place.
For the time being, Victoria is little vacation and visiting and planning before the big stop of Vancouver. It’s quite weird being back here. Much like every time I return to a place I’ve lived a significant portion of my life, I have an existential crisis about my sense of place. I spent four years here and made a lot of memories with a lot of people. And finally coming back to that – every time I visit or pass these places, I revisit those memories. Some of them I look back on very fondly, some are painful to remember.
This song kinda stuck with me because of the title/chorus “Built to Roam.” As I spent a month and a half earlier this summer wandering through Europe, and now this trip – I wonder if I’m one of those people who is built to roam. And my immediate reaction was that I’m not. I enjoy stability and routine. I do enjoy the idea of travelling and visiting new places and exploring – so when I get to Vancouver where everything is new – maybe I’ll feel better about this all. But for now – I haven’t really enjoyed roaming Victoria.
Victoria is probably going to be the city that I remember most for giving my heart and growing up. I think I learnt a lot about myself and about others while I was here. I look back on my friendships and relationships and know that the people I met were crucial in forming who I am today.
For instance, there’s the CrackDonald’s here that I spent many a drunk night getting french fries. Or the square where I spent last years festival. The bus stop in front of the RBC where I probably spent a good 12 hours cumulatively waiting. Even going to the basement of the music building is weird when you don’t see your old friends sitting at their computers frantically trying to do a theory assignment or write some code. You could probably point to a different building on just about every street and I’d have a memory associated with it and a person.
As always, it’s weird coming back to where you were previously. At the university it feels like everything’s the same except for the cast – everyone else is younger and better looking, and I’ve gotten older and hopefully wiser. But I can tell I’ve moved on from here too – coming back doesn’t feel like the home it used to be. So that just means time for bigger and better things!
I’ve really been getting into Keaton Henson lately, another great singer songwriter with a slightly unique voice. A friend of mine just posted this review of Keaton’s new CD Birthdays, so if you like this video – go read his magical review and want a better idea of Keaton’s sound, go here. And if you’re really that lazy….
It’s like the breath of a sleeping lover in your ear. A voice that instantly surrounds itself with silence. When you blow out a candle, that small wisp of smoke cautiously drifts from the wick, streams forth for slightly longer than you expected, before thinning to nothing. That’s it.
And originally I wasn’t going to post this song, the subject matter isn’t exactly pertinent to my life – but then I watched the video.
I recently posted a Glen Hansard song, and talked about his passion – and this actress is equal to that in her own right. Just watch and see what you think.
(Preface – I started writing this in January while in Banff and never finished until now)
When telling a story about her step-father, one of the directors I’ve been working with recently quoted him saying; “People only know you as well as you let them.” For some reason, this stuck with me – clearly it did as I remembered it and am now writing a blog about it.
It wasn’t until a few days ago when someone was talking about their relationship problems, and mentioned that he’d like to be more like me and stay out of everyone’s drama. And I wondered why it was that I’m staying out of everyone’s drama.
Usually I love knowing about everyone’s shit and who’s banging who and what have you. But for some reason since being here I haven’t really cared that much. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too busy to care, or it’s just that I figure that I don’t need to let the people here get to know me that well.
And it’s probably a combination of the first which is a by-product of the second. I know for me that I’m pretty tough to crack and untrusting when it comes to friends. Part of it is the realist/pessimistic side of me that expects that people that I meet to not be worth the time and effort that it takes to get to know someone. And since I’m unable to control other people – I can’t always get what I want. This results in me having low expectations for others in order to not get emotionally hurt.
Sharing my life is an interesting thing for me. Here (on my blog) I am more than willing to express myself and write where anyone can see it – and apparently do. But as I’ve said previously, if someone asks me about my life – I’m more likely to say “Oh you know” than “Well, actually…” mostly because I feel that the people asking don’t really care and are just doing so to be polite.
I’ve learned in Poland when someone asks “How are you?”, they’re really asking, and willing to sit and hear what you have to say. As Canadians, we’re far more self-centred and are waiting for our turn to talk as opposed to listening, being too polite to ignore asking the obvious questions.
I’m not sure exactly where I’m going with this. I don’t think I’m going to change who I am and change my expectations of people, I like having different people know different levels of my life – it keeps me sane and let’s me react to people’s actions accordingly. So for now, this will remain as a rant and nothing else.