(Preface – I started writing this in January while in Banff and never finished until now)
When telling a story about her step-father, one of the directors I’ve been working with recently quoted him saying; “People only know you as well as you let them.” For some reason, this stuck with me – clearly it did as I remembered it and am now writing a blog about it.
It wasn’t until a few days ago when someone was talking about their relationship problems, and mentioned that he’d like to be more like me and stay out of everyone’s drama. And I wondered why it was that I’m staying out of everyone’s drama.
Usually I love knowing about everyone’s shit and who’s banging who and what have you. But for some reason since being here I haven’t really cared that much. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too busy to care, or it’s just that I figure that I don’t need to let the people here get to know me that well.
And it’s probably a combination of the first which is a by-product of the second. I know for me that I’m pretty tough to crack and untrusting when it comes to friends. Part of it is the realist/pessimistic side of me that expects that people that I meet to not be worth the time and effort that it takes to get to know someone. And since I’m unable to control other people – I can’t always get what I want. This results in me having low expectations for others in order to not get emotionally hurt.
Sharing my life is an interesting thing for me. Here (on my blog) I am more than willing to express myself and write where anyone can see it – and apparently do. But as I’ve said previously, if someone asks me about my life – I’m more likely to say “Oh you know” than “Well, actually…” mostly because I feel that the people asking don’t really care and are just doing so to be polite.
I’ve learned in Poland when someone asks “How are you?”, they’re really asking, and willing to sit and hear what you have to say. As Canadians, we’re far more self-centred and are waiting for our turn to talk as opposed to listening, being too polite to ignore asking the obvious questions.
I’m not sure exactly where I’m going with this. I don’t think I’m going to change who I am and change my expectations of people, I like having different people know different levels of my life – it keeps me sane and let’s me react to people’s actions accordingly. So for now, this will remain as a rant and nothing else.